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Most Offensive Penis Cakes

What IS it about corona virus that makes people crazy for cock on a cake?! Is quaran-peen a thing?! We're totally baffled over how these cakes have becum so popular over the past few months. I'm dicking around in the bakery

White Penis Cake London

When I made our very first willy cake a few years ago, we sold a couple every so often for hen dos. But through lockdown, we surprisingly sold a lot more of them and not just for hen dos, as those were few and far between. Noooo, these were for birthdays, break ups and weirdly, no known reason at all. I really don’t get it.

Plenty of Pricks Cock Cake

Plenty of Pricks in the Sea

I’ve been making so much cock cake that the bakery looks like a prosthetic peen factory.

Penis Cake Pops

One Monday morning I made six of them at once, and had passers by doing double takes, either in hysterics, or thoroughly mortified. I don’t know which bit gets them the most - me smoothing the fondant skin over the sausage-shaped cake pop mix, shaping the icing foreskin over the bell end, painting the pubes on the balls, or drizzling white chocolate ganache man juice over the top.

Willy Smith Cock Cake

It’s a funny little money maker and a very awkward niche I’ve carved out for us. It’s also one of those things I’m pretty sure maa and paa wouldn’t be too proud about. But hey, we’re livin’ la co-vida loca, and need to make as much dick dough as possible whilst we can. And if I can have a laugh through it all, I think I may even have the best job in the world.

Bendy Dick Cake Topper London

Bendydick Cumberbatch

We started getting bespoke enquiries for custom cock cakes. Whilst I have a no-bespoke-enquiries boundary set, I couldn’t refuse some of them because they made me split my sides LOLLING just reading them. Not only do we get colour requests and measurements of length and girth sent in, we also get requests for “Extra wet”, “curved”, and my personal favourite..."Make it floppy". Make.It.Floppy. Couldn't make it up.

Floppy Dick Cake
The saddest, floppy peen cake. We've called it Bojo, only because it rhymes with no-mojo.

I’m going to politely decline being sent dick pics (no matter how lovely the customer). If there's a request for a very specific feature, I'd rather google it than be sent photos of customers' weiners.

Dick Cake Enquiry
I like how she thought to specify "just for your reference"...

The cock cakes are funny for sure, but the messages that come along with them are just as hilarious. 

Penis Cake Message London

The only snag is that...I know we risk losing followers, and maybe even some customers, whenever I post about them on Instagram. It gets hard not to post about them when it's all the content on some days. The dismembered cake penises make me look like Lorena Bobbitt, and decorating them with creamy white ganache looks like literal cake porn. Hence I get why some are put off and bounce - it IS gross.

Penis Cake Fridge London

I thought I must’ve been one of the few with the most depraved and juvenile sense of humour, but turns out, the 48k strong following I have on Instagram find phalluses just as funny. It’s also one of the few cake designs that actually sells through Instagram whenever I post about it! So between losing a bunch of prudes or making bank with ball batter, I'll choose the latter.

Great British Jack Off Cock Cake

Great British Jack Off Cake - If you don't know what the 'soggy biscuit' game is, don't google it. I did and I regret it.

My only good guess for the popularity of these weird AF willy cakes is that...they’re silly and make people laugh. It definitely gets a strong reaction, and we all could do with a bit more perking up these days.

Rude Dick Cakes London

Lots of love,
Reshmi xoxo

ps: I giggled the whole way through writing this post.

pps: Mum, Dad and MIL, sorrryyy

8 Responses

Anthony Pearson

Anthony Pearson

July 27, 2021

I just love these cakes. You are definitely an artist . How can I get one delivered to me?

Simran Kaur Chadha

Simran Kaur Chadha

June 27, 2021

Hey! I would like to place an order for the Di*k cake. I want it on the 1st of july. Can you please tell me the prize. And do you deliver to oakville?

Destiny Izaguirre Cortez

Destiny Izaguirre Cortez

June 08, 2021

Hi i would like to get a cake for my mom for her birthday



March 12, 2021

Hello i want a cake for my dirty thirty bday. I live in Los Angeles how can we make this possible.

Prissa Brown

Prissa Brown

March 08, 2021

Can you bake my daughter her 22 birthday cake

Shanta Starnes

Shanta Starnes

February 18, 2021

I have a question I live in Georgia and am curious if mailing one is possible?

Desiree Baker

Desiree Baker

February 07, 2021

I love this!
Would love to order one#

Ohhh Snap

Ohhh Snap

October 05, 2020

Back in the 80s I used to crochet tiny penises because one wasn’t supposed to do that 😁. This makes me nostalgic and terribly happy. My favorite riddle from the 80s: What’s the best thing to come out of a penis? The wrinkles 🎉

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