The whole smorgasbord of the nation's most beloved biscuits - Bourbon biccies, custard creams, Jammie Dodgers, Lotus Speculoos, gracing lovely lofty softy layers of vanilla sponge sandwiched with Lotus Speculoos flavoured Swiss meringue buttercream, a Belgian chocolate teapot, with chocolate teacups swilling and dripping with salted caramel ganache. Could there BE a more British birthday cake than this?? Ignoring the fact that it was created by a non-Brit that is ;)
I moved to the UK 15 years ago and hung around ever since. Over the years I've found myself a lovely loyal gang of friends, and my main dude, built a small business and even surprised myself with how much I love a Sunday Roast (but I hate bunting - let me repeat it, I hate bunting). So I do feel a bit British I suppose, other than the aversion to bunting everything else is chips-n-gravy.
But as someone of Indian origin, born and brought up in Kuwait I do from time-to-time get a bit of an "identity crisis" which started bubbling up again around the Brexit furore of last year. You see, I don't have a British passport. I do have a permanent leave to remain here, for which I had to pass an easy-as English test and a ridiculous Life in the UK test.
This ridic Life in the UK test was nothing like real life in the UK because for all the years I'd lived here before having to do the test, never once had I felt the need to know which year the Battle of Dunbar took place, nor did I ever need to know who mapped the coast of Australia in order to get through...well life in the UK. In a way I did quite enjoy the trivia binge while preparing for the test, but I do wish the Home Office would consider including some proper questions - like the following:
1 - When is it unacceptable to double dunk biscuits in tea?
a) It's always acceptable, don't be silly
b) Only when in company of the Queen
2 - Is it cream or jam first on a scone?
a) Cream first, cuz dairy is always first
b) Jam first, cuz then the surface area is stickier to hold more cream (the good stuff!)
3 - Is the standing-on-the-right rule limited to the London Underground only?
b) No, it extends to every single escalator in the country. Left-standing is absolutely forbidden. Even if it is the narrowest sliver of an escalator you must stand sideways, pressed up against the far right sucking in your tummy as far in as you can and not breathe out.
4 - When you bump into someone at the pub and accidentally spill their pint what do you do?
a) Punch them in the face for being in your way
b) Apologise profusely and buy them another
As I've been busy living my life in the UK I haven't got round to becoming "proper" British yet by applying for citizenship and I'm sure I'll be doing so at some point. And when I do I'll be celebrating just like Yaz, with a red, blue, and white customised Tea-Time Treat cake stashed with biscuits to tuck into.
But till then there's nothing to suggest that I can't feel British, because I freakin' love dunking my biscuits.
Lots of love,
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