Most business blogs love a triumphant end-of-year review, banging on about their glittering wins. And yes, celebrating highs is important — and this year’s high was a *big* one: collaborating with the high-street stalwart Patisserie Valerie, with desserts we created now available ALL over the UK. Wild, right?

But alongside the highs, I like to look the lows square in the eye too. Some of our flops were so bad they now make me cackle. Others… well, they still sting. And no, none of them involve freebie-hunters — these shockers were entirely down to the cakes themselves.

Because not all cakes are created equal. Some missed the mark spectacularly, and others I simply despised because the very concept made me heave. Here are the worst offenders.

Our absolute WORST cakes

1. Scare Bear

The brief seemed sweet enough: a vegan cake with rainbow frosting and a cute hand-modelled Care Bear topper. Except our first attempt at said bear was the stuff of nightmares. Truly, a creature that would haunt lil Margaux forever — and definitely not something you'd want on a birthday cake.

Thankfully, version two looked more Care Bear and less cursed demon, and we could all sleep easy again.

2. Cherry Bake-not-Well

You might remember that little baking show I competed in. Our first episode was near-disaster, then miraculously saved by sheer willpower. But these cherry bake-fails — originally meant to be almond mousse, cherry jelly, raspberry glaze, white chocolate and almond crumble — chose violence on the day. They looked like gouged eyeballs. Perfect, really, for Halloween.

3. Ciggy Cake

I should’ve said no from the start. Cigarettes and butts on a cake? Absolutely rancid. We tried to make it less grim but there’s only so much one can do with a concept rooted in “foul”. Lesson learned: when a brief feels wrong in your soul, it’ll probably look wrong too.

4. Lara & Karrar’s Wedding Cake

Ah yes — *that* couple. Every single guest apparently hated the cake, and honestly… the final design did look tragic. The bride originally ordered our gorgeous Pink Sweetheart cake, which should’ve looked like this:

But after 157 emails demanding changes — no drip, no doughnuts, more flowers, different piping, all-ivory buttercream, no candied popcorn — the design was twisted beyond recognition into… this:

Their dreadful post-wedding behaviour wasn’t surprising after the pre-wedding chaos. The only upside? They said it *looked* great in their review. Small mercies.

5. Two-tiered 10”/12” Cakes

They’re all hideous — squat, stumpy, aesthetically offensive. The only reason we sell them is because some customers want maximum servings on a budget. But we’ll always gently steer people toward a prettier option from our cake collection, because these two-tier beasts really do hurt my eyes.

At least the list of disasters is short. Out of roughly 3,000 cakes we baked and delivered across London this year, only a handful earned a place in our hall of shame. And if my mishaps made you laugh or cringe in solidarity, then my work here is done.

Lots of sh!t-cake love,

Reshmi xoxo

Looking for something a little less disastrous? Explore our colourful rainbow cakes — they never fail to cheer.