Unless you've been living under a rock for the past eleven years - or you've recently been infected with the zombie virus and now your only thoughts are of brain munching - you should recognise the quote in the title as a parody on the infamous line from the 2004 film, Shaun of the Dead;
"Take car. Go to Mum's. Kill Phil - "Sorry." - grab Liz, go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all of this to blow over."
This film is responsible for the disproportionate amount of my time I have spent since I saw it thinking about zombies and, more specifically, how I would survive the Zombie Apocalypse. I used sit in the library at school in the 'study sessions' with my similarly like-minded friends, coming up with all sorts of strategies and designating responsibilities for when the Apocalypse actually hit. This film may also be indirectly responsible for why I didn't do so well in my exams....
But realistically, are grades a priority when a zombie plague is imminent?! In the words of my religious studies teacher, "It's not a case of if the zombie apocalypse happens...it's when." But, instead of the Winchester pub, I have decided that Anges de Sucre is the place to wait out the tide of a zombie pestilence.
Now, I know some of you may be doubtful of this; with the big windows, bright colours, occasional Norwegian pop tunes, and audible sounds of appreciation in the form of Oohs and OMGEEEEEZ coming from very happy folks biting into our sweet treats, in a city of approximately eight million potential brain munchers, Anges doesn't seem the best hiding place. But hear me out.
1. The Location.Picture the scene; the Zombie Apocalypse has reached High Street Kensington and from Whole Foods to Waterstone's, there's just pandemonium and people running everywhere. Snuggled in 1 Holland Street just off the High Street however, Anges de Sucre is sheltered from the initial madness for long enough to batten down the hatches and prepare ourselves. But we hope you find us, whether running from zombies or just if you fancy some macarons, and so here's a map to help you guys out.
2. The Baristas.
We may seem like we fit perfectly into a shop who's name translates to "Sugar Angels", however don't let looks deceive you. With "Viking" and "Ninja" among our nicknames, would you feel safer with anyone else?
3. The Boss.I feel like Shakespeare said it best with "though she be but little, she is fierce." I mean anyone trying to keep student baristas in check is proof alone of their toughness. Picture the godfather...but smaller...and scarier...wielding whisks....
4. The Coffee.With late nights and frequent sprints to Whole Foods, let's face it - the amount of espresso shots you down is the difference between being turned into brain fondue or not. The fact that we serve the best latte in Kensington can only be a plus, right?
5. The Coffee Machine.
While I would like to take this opportunity to assure Kees van der Westen (and a concerned Reshmi) that I would never dream of using the actual espresso machine as an offensive weapon, the machine's filter basket and group handle (aka the thing we use to place freshly ground coffee in and plug into the machine to pour beautiful creamy Coutume espresso coffee shots) are both lightweight yet could cause a serious dent if bashed against a zombie's skull (or the skull of any whiny customers on their phones.....just joking....maybe?! #sorrynotsorry).
6. The Sweet Treats.
Admittedly, this is not the most nutritious food you could be consuming in a world which embodies the more extreme definition of "survival of the fittest". But let's face it, if the worst comes to the worst, what else would you rather be eating as your last meal? And if you'd like to pre-taste our goodies to decide which ones you'd pick, or maybe just to enjoy them in a less stressful environment, you can see our full range of marshmallows, macarons, muffles, meringue drops, s'mores, tea cakes etc here.
7. The Caves.
Since we've been open, downstairs has been many things... a wedding boutique, storage, santa's grotto, an alleged private gay club... is it really outlandish for it to also function as a zombie bunker? Private Member's only though!
8. Our Connections.
Anges de Sucre has an extremely active Instagram account with more than 3,000 followers (and fast counting!). People regularly come in and ask for a certain product they saw on Instagram. Out of the 3,000+ followers, I'm fairly certain at least one of those people is going to have the connections needed to get us rescued - or at least, a bazooka we can borrow. Plus, we would take some wonderful end-of-the-world selfies together (in the #floralselfie mirror and a Valencia filter, #obvs). If you would like to help us in the event of a Zombie Apocalypse or just love regular pictures of beautiful treats to brighten your day, you can follow us here.
So there you have it. Anges de Sucre is obviously the best place to be in a Zombie Apocalypse. Now that I've told you, space is going to be pretty tight so might I suggest you bring useful survival gear, such as a machete or a pizza, in order to increase your chances of being allowed in to hunker down with us.
If you're still unsure, you're welcome to come and scout out the area and see the shop for yourself. I'll make you a latte, you can munch on a macaron or two and we'll chat strategies together.
And as no one knows exactly when the Zombie Apocalypse is going to strike - better make it sooner rather than later? ;)